| Untitled. [message #326934] |
Sun, 23 March 2008 12:57  |
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Jessica A. Engle
Messages: 424
Registered: February 2007
Location: nebulous at best |
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Hey everyone.
We've been sort of squabbling amongst ourselves lately about who should post what, and when, and so forth. And I want to begin by saying that I really enjoy all of you; you're a very wonderful and amusing bunch of fellows.
And I suppose there's nothing wrong with a good debate, as long as it doesn't get personal. A very wise person once told me we all fall on our faces sometimes, tho'. It's hard to talk about your faith, because it's such an intimate part of you. It can't be proven; that's why it's faith. When you share it, it's easy for others to squash you where you stand. And if your not careful it's easy to squash someone else, too. Even by accident.
I don't consider myself very brave, so I can respect anyone who will cry out in the name of Jesus when I don't have a single word to say for myself. There is a place for people like that in God's grand design. But I think that isn't my place. At least not at the moment.
My place is more like a quiet little room into which occasionally someone will walk. They may or may not know it is in fact My Room, but should they care to speak to me I will respond with what I know to be true and good. Or, do the best I can in this regard.
But the times when I shine the brightest, when I feel closest to the Lord, and when I feel the deepest significance I've ever felt, are times when I am not speaking, but listening instead.
When I am spoken to by someone, who is really trying to divulge something about themselves in spite of our collective need to like the song says "hide yourself away", I am being given a gift. Should someone care to share with me how they are feeling on a given day, why they feel the way they do, or even what they had for lunch and whether or not they enjoyed it.... this is like being graced by God. Because it means I am important enough to God to just listen, and not to speak. I am valuable as the reciever of a precious gift, not exclusively a giver.
Jesus wants us to give of ourselves to others, and I'm totally down with that. But he also wants us to know what real love feels like, which I don't think can come from one sided speech. God may choose you to speak for him, and if he does then how happy should you be! But God may choose you to listen to someone, or many people. And you may find there is more present in the words than what is spoken. You may start hearing more. As people of "sound", I am sure you know what I mean.
If you don't believe in Christ, this is not a judgement of you. If you do believe, this is not a judgement of you, either. I'm merely saying that there are many kinds of work to be done in the name of the Lord. And I am very grateful that God has asked me to listen a little, and has blessed me with amazing things to hear.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter.
Much love,
Jessica
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| Re: Untitled. [message #327105 is a reply to message #326938 ] |
Mon, 24 March 2008 11:06  |
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Jessica A. Engle
Messages: 424
Registered: February 2007
Location: nebulous at best |
Active Member |
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| danickstr wrote on Sun, 23 March 2008 13:05 |
Thanks Jessica for sharing. I know that it is hard to do, when there are so many different views out there.
You say that God asked you to listen, and I am curious how, in your opinion or belief, he did that? Do you mean in the bible? Or some other way? I am trying to understand how you would define his means of communicating with you. If it is not easy to put into words, I would accept that as well.
Happy Easter
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Wow Nick, that is an amazing question. I've actually had to stop and think very hard for the answer. I've been thinking about it all night (I was awake anyway for unrelated reasons).
If I may be so bold as to broaden your question a little, I think what you are asking is "how do I know what God wants from me". And I'd wager that many Christians are (or should be) asking themselves the same question.
When I was a new believer, my inclination was that surely God would take my strengths and abilities and use them to do his "work", whatever on earth that was. My strengths were things like being a writer and a speaker, so I assumed I should be like the people who wrote the gospels and the epistles. I tried really hard to "reach" people but never felt "comfortable". It made me feel bossy. And I hate that.
My family was Catholic, but none of them read the bible. I was rather ignorant, and when I started reading I didn't know other people read the bible, too. If they did, why would there still be Catholics? (Sorry, Catholics)
So I thought I was armed with something other people didn't know. Which wasn't true. Because of that, my presumptions about what God wanted from me began to falter. You don't get to pick what God uses you for, and it might not be what you are strongest at. It might be something you're terrible at, but God wants you to do it because he wants to see you grow, and become better than you are.
For me, being quiet and learning at the feet of someone wise and caring was a completely new idea. I thought I knew so much! And I never expected to find anyone who was worth listening to, and who was gentle and interested. Eventually, over time (and with many, many nights of prayer) I realized that there were too many beautiful coincidences to my benefit for it to be chance. God worked through my preconcieved expectations to shut me up, and make me listen to something good for a change! Things I needed to hear, to build me up. Right now, I guess God doesn't need me out there changing people's lives. He's wholly content on changing mine.
This is so valuable to me that I wait and listen with the most anticipation I've ever had for anything. It is hard for me to understand that I am worth such an investment on the part of someone else. What a good thing to learn, eh?
So that's my story, sort of. It is different for everyone. YDIMV (Your Divine Instuction May Vary)? Sometimes you have to work really hard to figure out what God means for you, because he doesn't speak very loudly and if the TV is on every night as you fall asleep you might not hear. But other times he hits you in the face with what he wants from you, like that fish-slapping dance.
I fear I've said too much...... I thought about PMing you, but reasoned others might like to read the answer to your question too.
Jessica
PS. I *love* Inigo Montoya! But the joke is lost on me, I'm afriad. Can a sista get a clue??
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Re: Untitled.
